I hate having to deal with things that are beyond my control.
I recently deactivated all of my social media accounts so I wouldn’t be tempted to use them as emotional outlets. Social media has also caused me a lot of stress in the past few days so I’m taking a break.
Anyway, I’m upset now and I honestly don’t know how to deal with it. I tried exercising and that helped while I was actually exercising but the moment I started my cool down, I was angry again. I honestly didn’t know what to do because I very rarely get mad and most of the time I lash out at people or throw stuff against the wall, which isn’t the best thing to do especially if you have roommates. As if I wasn’t psycho enough. So I decided that I would google how to deal with anger. One of the suggestions I read was to write my feelings in a journal. I’m too lazy to actually write and god knows once I write, I could go on for ages. So good thing I still have this blog.
(Wow this is a good distraction already. Why did I ever stop writing?)
Okay, so as I said, I’m upset.
One of my pet peeves is when people make plans with me waaaay ahead of time and then make changes or cancel at the last minute. That happened to me today. What’s worse is that it’s the second time in a row and I specifically remember myself telling this person to show up on time this time around because I hate it when my plans get ruined and need to be rescheduled all because of one person who doesn’t know how to follow through with plans.
But the thing is, I understand. I understand that he has more important things to do (no resentment here) and I understand why he would think that it’s totally okay to postpone his plans with me. I get that. But what about me, though? What about my plans? By changing plans at the last minute, it’s like he’s assuming that I’m totally free with nothing else to do. It would’ve been better if he asked me first. Like if he started with “Would it be okay if we didn’t meet today” or maybe if he just said sorry. But, no. No apologies there. And I’m just supposed to accept that because what else is there for me to do?
I just hate how he makes me feel like a low priority task he can keep postponing. I’m not just a task or something waiting to be crossed off the list. I’m a human being with feelings and TASKS OF MY OWN THAT NEED TO BE DONE AS WELL.
But what I hate the most is that I actually need his help to accomplish some of my tasks. I hate that I can’t do them alone and now that he’s postponing our meet-up, accomplishing those tasks get postponed as well.
I totally get that he has to work and of course work > me, but I wish he’d respect what we agreed on. Maybe compromise a little. This is literally the only thing I’m asking from him. Or maybe I’m just tired of always being set aside and always having to be the one adjusting. I have other things going on in my life, too.
The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd; the longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.
Exercise is supposed to make you happy, right? Then why am I still fuming?
It occurs to me that I don’t really know how to deal with anger.
deadsensescompany
makingfunofthestarks
Game of Thrones au where everything is the same but instead of saying “my lord” they say “my dude”
